there are no words to express how i’m feeling. i’m to the point that i feel numb to just about everything. you’ve let me down constantly time after time. you’ve made excuse after excuse. you’ve made me ache over and over. ache in a way i never thought i could. and though you’ve brought me so much hurt and brought me to that point of feeling numb. here i am, still waiting. i can’t exactly just walk away from you and everything we had. everything we created. you and i, we created something so special in such a short amount of time. something that people dreamed of having with another person. and for me all the good over powers the bad with us. for that simple reason. that’s why i’m still here. due to that, i don’t think i’ll be going anywhere anytime soon. that’s what keeps me holding onto nothing.all the good. but that doesn’t make any of this hurt any less. because knowing there was so much good, only makes it harder to let go and forget. only makes it harder to erase all the hurt and damage that has been done. but the bad hurts too. having the one person who made you feel so much. made you who you are as a person almost. someone who became apart of you. someone who gave you so much to remember. and have that person treat you like you’re nothing, kills. it tears you apart bit by bit. and what really tears me apart is you didn’t give me any explanation as to why you treated me the way you did. why you distanced yourself from me. why you ignored me. why you didn’t want me anymore after you claimed that i was the one. i think i at least deserved an explanation. but all you had to offer was nothing but empty words. i want nothing but you to need me just as much as i need you. because knowing that you don’t, it screws with me. i’m on a roller coaster of emotions that i want to get off from. but no matter how hard i try, i can’t. having to be without the one person you need the most almost makes you feel as if you’re empty. every bone in your body, it aches. and that ache doesn’t just come and go, it’s constant. for me, this is getting harder and harder as the days go by. they say it’s supposed to get easier. which i know it will. but when? because for me this is a constant battle. and i never just lost you once, but twice. that’s not exactly easy to deal with. it makes the hurt even worse. i want this to be over. i want to be able to look back on you. on us. and not feel the constant numbness, hurt and sadness that i do right now. until then i’ll sit and wait for the impossible to happen. i’ll sit here and wait for that text from you pouring your heart out once more. i’ll sit here and wait for the call that hasn’t come. i’ll sit here and wait until you decide that you need me apart of your life once more. because no matter how far you push me away each time, i’ll be right here waiting for that once more. for you. but what if we don’t get our once more? what then? you’re supposed to be moving away after the summer. and the idea of having you miles away scares me more than you could ever imagine. because what if the distance makes you forget about me and everything i was to you. everything i’m feeling right now is just too much for me to handle. it’s times like this i need you here to comfort me to tell me everything’s going to be okay. that i shouldn’t have a care in the world. it’s times like this i need your arms wrapped around me so tightly, because in that moment in time i feel at home and so safe all at once. it’s times like this that your princess needs her boo.
